11/29/06

I was going to go into all of the reasons why I'm now considering the encounter at Jack In The Box a “dodged bullet” rather than a “missed opportunity.” Suffices to say, the two teenage daughters and a husband are three strikes. She’s out, no matter how hot she is. I know, you’re sitting there saying, “There might not be a husband.” To which I reply, “Y’uh huh! There almost has to be.” Let us explore the possible scenarios which could have led her to have the two teenage daughters, shall we? Scenario one: she got married and had the two kids. Scenario two: she got married, had one kid, something happened to that marriage, she remarried and had the second kid. Scenario three: she got married, had one kid, something happened to that marriage, she didn’t remarry, got knocked up, and had the second kid. Scenario four: she got knocked up and had one kid, then got married and had the second kid. And finally scenario five: she got knocked up twice and had both kids. I'm going to discount S5 because she didn’t look the type, although if she’s the type to hit on grubby guys like me at a JITB… well, her car says different at least. Therefore, there has to be a husband in the picture, be he ex, late, or current. Ok, I guess I will go into the reasons since I just spent so much time pointing out why there has to be a husband somewhere. So, we’ve determined there is either one or more ex-husbands, one or more dead husbands, or a current husband, right? Let us strike her out with a current husband because I don’t want to end up like Bob Crane when we’re caught. An ex-husband tells me that either she can’t make it work and leaves or she’s impossible to deal with and has to be left. There’s an old saying that goes, “No matter how good she looks, someone somewhere is tired of putting up with her crap!” A woman’s crap is something with which I will not up-with put, and getting dumped doesn’t sit well with me either. Therefore ex-husband(s) strike her out. Now we come to the gray area: a dead husband. This is the one where I jump on a high horse and question her relationship need level. If he was “The One” for her, her “Soul Mate” or whatever, then when he’s gone that’s it. I resent the hell out of widows and widowers remarrying because it seems a slap in the face to the memory of the deceased. [ Yeah, it is. You're lucky your Mom didn't. She's a saint... - SM ] Besides, for those who believe in an afterlife, um what happens when the three of you are “reunited” in the great beyond? [ Exactly. - SM ] What is first hubby supposed to say? “Oh, that’s cool. Hey, check out the soft-serve ice-cream machine in the Hereafter Bowling Alley Cafeteria.” I think not. If he wasn’t “The One” for her, then why the hell did she marry him? No, a late husband is just as bad as an ex in my opinion. Stee-rike three! Oh, so now you’re saying I shouldn’t have poo-pooed scenario five? Well, let’s have a look at that, shall we? She’s a whore! She sleeps around and gets knocked up then raises two kids on her own. Ok, so they looked well fed and were driving an expensive car so she has to have made something of herself. But it still doesn’t negate the fact that SHE’S A WHORE! I'm not going to get involved with that scene! Nope, I dodged a barrage of bullets by not taking her bait the other day. I think Professor Henry Higgins said it best, “Let the others of my sex, tie the knots around their necks.” She sure was hot though. [ If only Freud were alive today... - SM ]