12/22/06

I read one of the funniest things ever this morning. I always make fun of these toothless hillbilly NASCAR fans and say that they think the cars that race are just like what they can buy off the showroom floor. “Hyuk, it is Stock Car racing isn’t it?” Well, I never really believed that they were actually that stupid, until today! There was a letter in some “Speedway Illustrated” magazine that comes to my house every month, I don’t know why I have a subscription, must be the Dimlight Racing DBA or something because I surely didn’t pay for it. Anyhoo, this goober was lamenting that the new “Car of Tomorrow” that NASCAR is introducing isn’t a “stock car” anymore since all of them will be basically the same with different paint schemes to differentiate one make from another. Um, hello, isn’t that how it has been for like twenty years now? He went on to quote NASCAR’s reasoning behind the new car having a wing rather than a spoiler because many new cars sold today have wings but few have spoilers. Here comes the funny part. He was stupid enough to quote the old saw “win on Sunday, sell on Monday” thinking that the new cars would keep people away from showrooms because they weren’t “stock cars.” He said he went out and bought a new 2004 Chevy Monte Carlo, with a spoiler by the way, because his hero Cletus Sisterfuck had just won the championship in one just like it! I just about fell off the toilet! I'm tempted to write in to the magazine and ask this douche bag just exactly how his front-wheel drive, fuel injected, V6, automatic, unibody car is in any way similar to a rear-wheel drive, carbureted, V8, four-speed manual, tube frame racecar. He’d reply that they look the same to which I'd have to point out that a different set of stickers on the nose and it is a Ford Taurus or Dodge Intrepid. The worst thing about the whole situation is this retard and his cousin are probably producing more missing chromosome babies as we speak. Makes me wonder what all these hippies are saving the world for. [ They have no idea, I assure you... - SM ]The human race is circling the drain so we might as well enjoy the Earth’s resources while we’re here. Screw the future generations, drive just for the hell of it! In fact, I think I'm going to leave work early and go burn up a few dinosaurs with a hoon out to FM5 this afternoon. Talk to y'all again Tuesday.