3/23/07

Fine! So I am back online. Yeah, yeah, I couldn’t even go one day without the internot? Ha, ha. Shut up. It was John who made me come back to the wasteland. Here’s the skinny, or perhaps not in our cases but I digress. John called yesterday to ask if I had thrown my laptop away. I told him I was keeping the laptop but ditching the internot. He went on again about DSL, and highspeed, and all sorts of other technobable while I just went, “I unh-no.” He finally hit on a solution that sounded like it might work. He asked how my cell phone service was at my desk. I said it was fine now that the NOC uses Cingular in the building. He asked why I don’t get one of those cards that use the cell network for hooking up to the net. We discussed it and he convinced me that the thing would not try to hit the railroad’s network but would be just like dialing up over my cell phone, only faster than dialing up the way I used to. We decided to go see how much it would cost per month after work. He was going to be late getting off so the shop would have been kind of pointless. I met him at his work and we rolled to Cingular. The sign-in girl asked how she could help and I went, “Uh,” and pointed to John. He said, “He needs a mega flippy floppy, whizbang gizmotron,” or something like that. She said, “Do you want me to look up the flim flam hoobyscootch to see if the twizzle frambus will work at home?” “No,” John replied, “He’ll just use the corobutransic refingletizer there as well.” I looked on slack jawed. She took my name and we waited. She pointed us to a laptop that was hooked up with one of the things we were looking for. I played with it for a moment until John shooed me away to see if it was going to be fast enough, or something. I asked if it was going to have to stick out like that one did and was told it would. John, to reassure me as I began walking to another part of the store, hollered out, “My thing sticks out way more than that and I have never broken it off.” I laughed, turned around, and looked at him, as did everyone else in the store. A few moments later he realized what he had said and laughed as well. He went on to tell me that he did know a guy who had broken his penis but the Cingular guy showed up before he could elaborate. The Cingular guy asked how he could help us. I said, “Uh,” again and pointed at John. John went into the technobable again and the guy led us to a desk. He ‘splained the service and what was needed and stuff. I looked at John and he seemed happy with the answers. We asked if there was any way we could change my cell service to offset the new service since we never use up our minutes in a month. He found a plan that made the new service only $20.00 more a month than what I was paying before. I signed up. We took our leave and went to Red Hot and Blue for some barbecue. From there we headed back to John place of employ so I could drop him off at Maxine. On the way he mentioned that Academy had a really nice chrome 357 Magnum pretty cheap. “I know it isn’t a .50 caliber,” he went on to say, “but it looked pretty good.” “Let’s go check it out,” I said. We went to the store and sure enough there it was, a chrome 357 with a 7” barrel for less than three bills. I had a look at it and the 2” barrel model behind it. We looked at the automatics as well and I fought with all my might to resist the urge to buy the smaller Magnum. I was successful in not buying it. So after putting our greasy fingerprints on a bunch of guns, I finally took him back to his car and we called it a night. I did not come back to the office to hook up the osmotronic gizmometer to my laptop because I knew if I did, and it worked, I would be there for the rest of the night. I went home. This morning I wished mom a happy birthday and came to work. I installed the software for the trifasic recomboobulator and slid it into the slot. I clicked on Internot Exploder and guess what, it didn’t work. “Well of course it doesn’t work,” I said to myself. “Why should I expect it to work?” I thought about it a bit more and then tried clicking on the Cingular icon on the desktop. “Oh,” I said, “That makes more sense.” It hooked up and IE finally worked. I found AOL’s site and read my mail. I found Achewood and read yesterday and today’s comic. I found The Straight Dope and read today’s entry. I did get booted off once and thought that they had discovered the connection and shut it down. I tried again and was on for quite a while before getting called away. I think it just might work after all. We’ll see how it is at home this weekend. So, I guess y'all are going to have to put up with more of my rants after all. Well, have a day.