5/10/07

Isuzu Mikado! Now that’s funny! I'll bet only two people got that one yesterday. If you don’t know what I'm talking about, then you probably weren’t one of those two. Well, I've got nothing. I started a list of people who can just get the hell off my planet the other day. They are folks who I am just totally done with and would like nothing more than to never hear about them again. Well, I suppose hearing of the demise of the living ones wouldn’t be so bad. Just to give a hint of the kinds of folks I'm talking about, here is an abbreviated list: Lance Armstrong, Jack Black, Lewis Black, Bono, Jacqueline Bouvier-Kennedy-Onassis, David Caruso, Cher, Kurt Cobain, Adam Corolla, Simon Cowell, Michael Crichton, Tom Cruise, Alain DeCadenet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Janice Dickenson, Vin Diesel, Walt Disney, the fat little Dixie Chick, Elvis, Ralph Furman, Jamie Fox, Bill Gates, Marvin Gaye, Paris Hilton, Peter Jackson, Jesse James, Angelina Jolie, skinny Star Jones, Jimmy Kimmel, Avril Lavigne, Emeril Legasse, Jay Leno, Tina Louise, Courtney Love, Madonna, Seth McFarlane, John Mellencamp, Liza Minelli, Dudley Moore, Michael Moore, Ralph Nader, Rosie O’Donnell, Yoko Ono, Sean Penn, Rosie Perez, Prince, Felicia Rashad, Kelly Ripa, Axl Rose, Susan Sarandon, Carroll Shelby, Raven Simone, Frank Sinatra, Howard Stern, Sting, Sharon Stone, Quenten Tarrantino, Tchaikovski, Billy Bob Thornton, J. R. R. Tolkien, Donald Trump, Steven Tyler, Vanilla Ice, and Eddie Vedder. Ok, so it is the whole list as it stands right now. Some are obvious, some might come as a surprise, some are kind of esoteric, and some are just for the hell of it. By the way, how do you spell Tchaikovski? I guess I could ‘splain the reason why some are on the list. I'm going to use initials for most of them because I'm too lazy to type out the whole name again. I doubt I'll do them all but Juan never knows. LA for example, I don’t know, he just bugs me. I just can’t stand the characters JB plays. LB is a leftie pinko comic who really gets on my nerves. Do I really need to ‘splain the pretentious sack of crap that is Bono? JBKO irritates, or I should say irritated, me because she was held up in such high regard as such a prissy little perfect socialite wife. Then her husband gets his brains blown out and she hops right into bed with the first Greek shipping magnate who comes along. DC is another that I don’t really have a good reason for not liking. Cher, see Bono. KC, “Oh, poor me! I'm so sad even though I’m all rich and famous.” Boom! AC is a jock-type dick. SC is just a dick. MC wrote such “gems” as “Westworld,” “The Andromeda Strain,” “Congo,” and “Jurassic Park.” He’s a hack and I hate him. Oh, he also unleashed “ER” on us. TC went way psycho with the whole Scientology thing. ADC was, apparently, a racecar driver at some time. He now is a snooty little British shit who gets to drive around in people’s very expensive and vary rare cars while making documentaries. Jealous? Hell yeah! LDC=douche bag. JD claims to have coined the term “supermodel” in reference to herself back in the day. My question to this hag is: “When was that? 1900?” This next statement I find rather amoosing. VD doesn’t really bother me; it’s just the principle of the thing. That thing being “The Fast and The Furious” of course. WD bugs me because Warner Brothers’ cartoons were so much better. I really don’t like that little rodent. TFLDC is a cunt. Elvis=overrated. RF designed Van Diemen racecars. I loathe Van Diemen racecars. JF is another actor who I hate because of the majority of the characters he has played. I hate that cocky-assed shit head character he always did on “In Living Color.” BG, I think you all know how I feel about Mr. Tiny and Flaccid. MG might not have made this list except for one thing: the song “Sexual Healing.” Why couldn’t his dad have shot him before he released that turd? PH is one of the biggest wastes of space there is. I refuse to stay at a Hilton affiliated hotel just because I don’t want to give that cunt any more money. PJ, along with JRRT, stole nine hours of my life with that monumental piece of crap “The Lord of the Rings.” JJ, while a fabulous welder, is just a glorified welder. See also LDC. AJ I find just butt-ugly. Her lips look like an ass in the middle of her face. When I saw that picture of SJ after her stomach staple or liposuction or whatever she had done, I screamed because it scared the hell out of me! JK, see AC. AL is another pinko leftie who just needs to shut the hell up. See also TFLDC. EL, BAM! Shut up and cook you prick. Ok, I'll admit it; I don’t like JL because he is a car guy who can afford to have the collection I cannot. TL got all prissy and tried to make it as if “Gilligan’s Island” wasn’t the high point of her career. What have you done lately? CL, see TFLDC, then die you coattail riding worthless bag of skin. Madonna, see Cher, and Bono. SMF gave us the totally un-funny pools of diarrhea, “Family Guy” and “American Dad.” I just never liked JM, see Prince. I guess I'm just not gay enough to “get” the attraction LM has for people. She is (was?) a slightly less wheels-off Courtney Love. I can’t stand DM’s drunk character. MM is a fat-headed, context-ignoring, trouble-making fuck who really needs to have his teeth kicked in. RN has so many things going against him I don’t know where to start. ROD is one of the pinkest pinkos out there and REALLY needs to shut that fat cake-hole of hers! YO really needs no explanation but I'll say it anyway: SHE BROKE UP THE FRIGGIN’ BEATLES! She’s also a bit on the psycho side. SP, see LDC again. RP’s voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Prince really shouldn’t be on here anymore since I've cooled on my dislike of him. FR was the scenery-chewing, uber-bitch mom on “The Cosby Show.” I hated her smug “Super Black Woman” routine. I'm just plain sick and tired of KR. In fact, she’s the one who caused me to start this list. Don’t even get me started on AR. SS1, see AL. I'm sure seeing CS’s name on this list is a total shocker. Well, until he gets the hell over his thing about suing people for “copying” the Cobra, which was just an AC Ace he shoved a small block Ford into in the first place, he can go to hell. RS was that little overacting kid they brought into “The Cosby Show” when the actress plying Rudy got too old to be cute. FS, see Elvis. No, that’s not really fair. I don’t like FS because of his whole “too cool for school” attitude. He was a prick. HS, see Cher and Bono. Stink, er, I mean Sting is just a bit pretentious. Not quite up to Bono’s level though. SS2 just has something about her that gets under my skin. I don’t like her. QT is so very overrated that just referring him back to Elvis wasn’t enough. I suppose I should lighten up on Tchaicovski, his stuff really isn’t the worst out there. BBT can be cool, I suppose, but most of the time he just strikes me as a dirty old creep. I mentioned JRRT up there with PJ. DT, while having a feud with ROD could raise his status a bit, he’s still a douche. I used to thing The Rolling Stones were the ugliest band in rock and roll. ST, however, is such an anchor dragging down the rest of the “normal looking” guys in Aerosmith that they win. VI, was a supreme poser. Ok, I will admit one more thing; I hate EV because a girl I had the hots for in college thought he was the sexiest thing alive. Well, how about that? I guess I will ‘splain them all. And on that note, I'm done for the day. Toodles.