7/17/07

Each time I got into Fifi the other day, I tried to figure out the aroma. I was calling it “vanilla flavored ass” but now I realize it is “vanilla flavored ashtray.” I can’t believe I didn’t veto this truck as a former smoker’s vehicle. Oh, by the way, I'm calling the “new” truck Fifi. Why? Why not? When I got home last night, I decided that I was going to drive Fifi to work today. I hopped in to swap the parking positions of Fifi and Matilda and that was when I figured out the ashtray smell. The truck had sat closed up for two hot days and really got a funk going. I went back inside and got a box of drier sheets then spread out a dozen or so all around the cab of the truck. Now it smells like a stripper or strip club inside the cab. Fortunately, I like strippers so this new aroma isn’t terrible. I'm also not going to close the windows all the way for a while unless there is a definite forecast of rain. Hell, even then I might leave them cracked because mildew might smell better than ashtray. I sent John a snippy little note when I saw that the picture of Fifi was at the beginning of the Rant yesterday. I had wanted it to be at the end of yesterday’s or at the beginning of today’s Rant so that I could keep up the suspense of whether or not I actually bought the thing during the narrative. Perhaps I'm overestimating my suspense-writing prowess but it thought it would have worked better the other way. I hope John doesn’t take too much offense at that e-mail but I was also pissed off about not being able to download pictures from my laptop due to (tee hee, doo-doo!) the slow assed connection I have with the air card. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention that Mr. Wiggly is on e-Bay. I set up the auction and was doing just fine until such time that they asked for pictures. I chose a few, five to be exact, and tried to download them. After waiting for a solid hour, and I am not exaggerating, for them to download I gave up. I tried three pictures. After half an hour, again not exaggerating, I gave up on them. I tried a single picture and waited fifteen minutes before giving up. Seriously, more than fifteen minutes to load one picture? What the fuck? I finally edited the auction listing and asked people to e-mail me for pictures. Well, I got an e-mail this morning but I couldn’t even send him a picture. John is going to post some of the pictures he has of Mr. Wiggly on the auction for me tonight. He might also take a look at my air card connection to see why it is slower than dial up. Yes, this new fangled, high tech wireless bullshit thing is SLOWER than dial up. I'll say it again just to get the point across IT IS SLOWER THAN DIALUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I promised the tale of the trip to Houston today Here goes. I had arranged with John to pick him up at 0600 h Sunday morning so we could get to Houston and back before too terribly late. These trips always take twice as long as I plan for when I plan for them to be half-day affairs. I was ready for a dawn to late night adventure this time. I rolled out of bed at 0430 h, dropped a deuce, and took a shower. I dressed and went outside to move the truck and park Matilda and Fifi in the driveway. I forgot that it is still very dark at 0530 h. I had no trailer lights since my sister’s Expecursiolorer has the big, round, trailer brake connector whereas my trailer has the four wire flat plug. Oops. I moved vehicles around and then hit the road. I stopped for gas and then rolled to John's house. He came out almost immediately and got in. We took off down I-35. We debated the merits of the various routes to Houston, I-35 to Waco then 6 to Houston, I-20 to Not-Texas then I-45 to Houston, and I-20 to 287 to Anus, er, I mean Ennis then I-45 to Houston, and decided on the Waco route. We stopped at Jack-in-the-Box for breakfast and then continued on. I sweated the lack of lights until the sun came up then I bumped the cruise control on up a few notches and we made pretty good time. In Waco we changed highways and rolled down 6 towards College Station. Now, I had scanned the directions the dude had sent but not read them. I was assuming that the turns he was describing were in the greater Houston metro area. John told me we were looking for 105 E but neglected to mention the “to Conroe” part. In Navasota, where the 105 E to Conroe turn was, I almost made the comment that my dad used to do a lot of work in Conroe. I didn’t for some reason. We stayed on 6. At a point near Houston, John said something to the effect of, “That 105 E to Conroe should be coming up soon.” “Conroe?!?!?!?!” I said. “We passed that turn miles back.” We pulled off and found a map in the console of the truck. Yep, we’d passed it. Fortunately there was another road, FM 1488, which would cut us across to I-45 just south of Conroe. We went that way. As soon as I turned onto FM 1488 though, a County Sheriff’s car pulled in behind us. I kept it to 55 and avoided using brakes or turn signals to stay off his radar. It worked but I was getting too nervous. We stopped to top up the tank and let him by. When we got going again, John studied the map and found a road that would cut us back up to 105 E so we took that. Once we were back onto the dude’s directions we felt a little more confident. We were about half an hour to an hour behind schedule when we rolled into his driveway. John was a great wingman and cracked the whip when we started talking and not loading the trailer. Once it was all tied down, he took the keys and fired up the truck to keep me from standing around talking to the guy. It worked and I think we were out of there in record time for a car sale pickup. We rolled north to Conroe and ate lunch with the rest of the metro Houston population at a Taco Bueno. John drove us all the way into Waco where I took over. His wife called before we got to Waco and he said he’d be home in an hour and a half. I thought, “In an hour and a half we’ll be rolling into the shop gate,” but didn’t say anything. I drove us back up I-35 while John crashed out in the passenger seat. For some reason, probably the two-day trip I had made less than a week earlier, this trip didn’t feel like much more than just a short jaunt. I was wide-awake and ready for action. As we approached Fort Worth I knew a decision had to be made about his time estimate to SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed). To go to the shop from where we were, I would have exited 1187. To take him home, I would have kept rolling up I-35. I asked him if I was taking him home or had he given her a “Reverse Scotty.” I ‘splained that Mr. Scott on TV’s “Star Trek TOS” always gave time estimates that were twice what it would actually take in order to look like a hero. A “Reverse Scotty” would be a time estimate of half what was expected for some reason. He said he had done a slight RS but asked if I could go ahead and drop him off. I did. [ Actually, I said it was up to you. Ironically enough, she wasn't home when we got there, and didn't arrive until 1 hour later... - SM ] I thanked him for all of his help and we tentatively planned to rearrange stuff Tuesday evening. I headed out again and called Marty Smith to ask if he had a bay I could back the trailer into for a couple days. He didn’t. I then asked if he’d be willing to help me unload the stuff. He said he would. I got to the shop and picked him up. We unloaded all but the Zetec engine into my shop and then dropped that off in his. His hoist: a) didn’t have an engine hanging from it, and 2) would reach over the side of my trailer. I had asked if he’d be willing to follow me to Granbury and take me home so I could drop off my sister’s truck but then I decided to call mom instead. She said she would head that way and meet me. I drove the truck and trailer to my sister’s house and parked them both. I'll go get the trailer again once I have a place to park it. Mom and I ate at Burger King and rolled to the house. It was then that the full day’s work hit me and I collapsed. I went to bed early on Sunday night. Oh wow, another two page rant. I guess I'd better call this one complete and send it off to Spiderman. Hopefully I haven’t pissed him off too much and he’ll keep posting them for me. We’ll see I guess.