6/30/08

I did a really dumb thing Saturday night. It involved strippers. Here’s the story. Friday night or Saturday morning sometime, I had an odd dream. I was in the storeroom at the restaurant in a Home Depot. It was a dream; they don’t have to make sense. Anyhoo, I was in there on legitimate business, however I don’t remember what that business was now. All of a sudden this really cute little Goth Chick waitress comes in and gives me the stink eye. I look around casually and ask, in that innocent James Bond sort of way that secret agents are apparently trained to do, “Oh, is this not the restroom?” She replied, and again dream logic made this non sequitur make sense, “I don’t know, I don’t wear underwear.” I responded, again in James Bond fashion, with something that allowed me to get up next to her for a grope. While we felt each other up, I suggested we get nekkid and sweaty but she said, “Here at the Home Depot,” which was how I knew the restaurant storeroom was in that particular establishment, “they have a system for preventing that sort of thing. If I'm not in contact with my coworkers for eleven minutes they come looking for me.” I thought to myself, “Hell, eleven minutes would give us plenty of time at this point!” I'm not sure what happened next but I woke up not long after that. She was on my mind all day. I'm not sure who she was, but I think she was a composite of the various Goth (and even some semi-Goth) Chicks on TV, along with this girl from the TOB across the street here at work. What she definitely was not was the typical mousey chick I usually like. It was kooky. Anyhoo, I get dressed and go see when mom wants to go yell at the Credit Onion lady. I'm not telling the story leading up to that story because it involves… well, I'm just not going to, so deal. Mom says she has a thing at the church and that we can go after that, around 1000 h. I agree to that and she leaves. I'm goofing off in my room, looking for my Goth Chick on the internot and not getting ready to go because I figure I have plenty of time, when she comes back. I jump up and head for the shower so she’ll think I was getting ready when she comes in. I dress and we head for the Credit Onion. Pat calls while we are on the way to see if I'm available to help him bleed the clutch on his truck. I tell him I'll call when we’re done at the Credit Onion. Once there, mom goes in to an office to get to the bottom of the issue I'm not telling y'all about and I go wait in line to take money out of my account. Oh, Ray had called and asked if I could bring him a payment on that grand I still owe him for the A-series engine I got in the Marty deal. I get my money and head for the office where mom is. It was more of a cubicle actually, but that's just being pedantic. Of course we all know how much I love being pedantic. Apparently I also like being didactic as well. But I digress. I sit down as the lady is explaining that the situation. We are satisfied with the explanation and leave. I call Pat back to ask if we can drop me off at his place so mom can see the baby. He isn't actually home and says it depends on what’s going on when we arrive. When we arrive Pat invites us in and says that Nora has just gotten up. We wait for her to appear and she shows mom in to see the baby. I look too. Yep, it’s a baby. Pat shows me the renovations to the house and then we leave. Oh, mom leaves too. Pat and I stop for sausage rolls at his donut place and head for the shop. While he’s crawling around looking for the bleeder on the clutch, I lean against the wall. Now, I'm wearing a black shirt so I don’t want to actually lean on the wall. I put my arm up and lean against my outstretched hand. It isn't nearly as comfortable as I hoped. I lean against the truck. This is important so hang with me. Before long I want to lean the other way so I try the outstretched hand again and somehow pull the muscles in my shoulder. Now my shoulder is sore, and by “now” I do mean actually “now” as in Monday morning when I'm writing this. See, I told you it was important. Anyhoo, we finally get the clutch bled and he takes me home. I bid him farewell and hop in Fifi to go to the Ranch to see Ray. I get about two blocks away and realize I'd rather have Darth Versa at the Ranch than Fifi. I turn back and trade cars. I go see Ray and we discuss various and sundry deals and things. He suggests a plan which will get him the 510 racecar back, Gregg the two Legends Cars, and me the 1984 BMW motorcycle I've been drooling over ever since Ray brought it home. As I'm leaving I call Gregg to pass on the information and he’s on board. I get home and take a nap. Mom comes down to see about dinner and we decide on the Black Eyed Pea. While we’re there it rains its ass off for a few minutes and then quits. Ok, that detail wasn’t really all that important. We go home and I watch a little TV, the whole time thinking about the Goth Chick from my dream. Remember, that’s where this whole rant started? Well, ok it started with me admitting I went to look at strippers. And now we have come full circle for it was while thinking about her that I decided to go look at strippers. But I'll tell that part tomorrow. Tee hee.