7/1/08

Ok, so I left off with me watching TV and thinking about the Goth Chick from my dream. I decided to go look at strippers in an attempt to find “her.” I took off in Fifi since I didn’t want to park Darth Versa in a strip club parking lot. It wasn’t the “Hey look, Tim’s at a strip club” aspect, it was the “That motherfucking douche bag strip club patron dinged my door” aspect. As an aside, Fifi is always going to be my ride of choice when mom wants to go to dinner from now on as well for that same reason. But I digress already. I rolled up to an ATM to get out some cash. I decided I could “afford” to blow $200.00 over the course of the evening so that was the amount I got out. It had started raining again so my left side was soaked by the time I was done. I should have quit then but I didn’t. I rolled out of the parking lot and thought about which club to go to. I decided on the old New Orleans Nights which is now Rick’s Cabaret or something. I took off towards that establishment. That was the location of the last money hemorrhage with the “second string” dancer named Brie. You may remember that story from back in the middle of January, somewhere around the 15th. Come to think of it, Brie would have been a good estimation of the Goth Girl in the dream. Well somehow I wound up on the wrong road and went to Silhouettes instead. Silhouettes used to be Sinbad’s, the very first strip club I ever went to. I figured, “What the hell?” My plan was to walk in, see what the dancers looked like, and decide whether or not to bail at that point. I paid the $5.00 cover and went inside. I couldn’t see any dancers. There was what I hoped was a “second string” girl on stage two but no one on stage one. I sat down and waited for a waitress. Before long, two dancers joined me. One was really pretty, from a distance. The other was nice looking, also from a distance. We sat and chatted for a bit and they just kept getting older the more I looked at them. Turns out the really pretty one, from a distance, was my age and a grandmother! The other was only a mother, and a few years younger, but was missing teeth. I dubbed them, in my head, “The Toothless Hillbilly” (or TTH) and “Grand Ma” (or GM). Not very original I'll admit, but it’ll keep them straight as the story continues. Let me stop here and reiterate that I really don’t mind throwing a “second string” dancer a good night of tips. Trouble was this place wasn’t the Varsity squad. This was the Junior Varsity team, at best. Ok no, this place wasn’t even good enough to be JV. It was more like the intercollegiate league where the dorms and frats play flag football. And these girls weren’t even the starters for one of those teams! I decide to go ahead and throw them a ton each and go home. That would be five twenty dollar table dances each by the way. GM went up on the main stage so I had TTH give me a dance. Meh, not bad. Trouble was I couldn’t look her in the face like I am wont to do. I paid up and we watched GM on the main stage for her second song. Next set had TTH on main stage and GM on second. I should have left then. Knowing what I know now, I really should have left then. I am dumb though. GM returned while TTH went to stage two so I got a dance from her. It was awful. Now, I'll admit she did get better as she got drunk, but that first dance was atrocious. Her skin’s inability to keep up with the underlying tissue didn’t help matters. Fortunately, she was attractive enough that I could look her in the eye during this debacle of a dance. We returned to the table and sat together drinking. Before long, GM suggested we go for a “three way” table dance. I was game and TTH had already done some provocative things to GM at the table. We walked back to the sofa. Ok, this was the point where I blew it. They did a really good job with this set of dancing thingies. Yoinks! Unfortunately, at one point my hand moved a little too far into TTH’s Forbidden Zone and I was scolded by the waitress. When we got back to the table, TTH was called into the office. I told GM I hope I didn’t get her in trouble. She asked what happened and I told her. She said she hadn’t noticed anything and thought it would probably be ok. When TTH returned she said she was told she had to sell me a bottle of champagne. I knew that was going to be bad for me either way so I went ahead and bought it. Don’t ask, it was way too expensive for what it was. Ouch, I just looked up the suggested retail for it and… I don’t want to talk about that any more. So we sit for a while longer and a new dancer comes along. Now, by “new dancer” I mean this was her first night. TTH has her join us. Ok, there is no way to say this without sounding like a racist but, I do not find black women attractive. I'm sorry, but I just don’t. I also don’t particularly like giant tits and big asses, both of which New Girl (NG… ooh, I probably shouldn’t use those initials, but I'm going to) had in spades. Oh damn, I'm just digging that racist hole deeper and deeper aren’t I? Well, so be it. At some point TTH asks what kind of music I would like to hear. I suggest Prince since his is consummate eighties stripper music. She tells the DJ and goes to the dressing room to change into something more “appropriate” for that music. She comes back dressed like the Robert Palmer “Simply Irresistible” girls. I found it very resistible. Ok, I did go ahead and finish writing this story but it runs another whole page. I'm going to spilt it in two and send only this first half to Spiderman today. Tomorrow y'all will get the second half. Hang on tight!