11/18/08

God damn it, I hate people! Elect me President in 2012 and I promise, I will push the button and wipe the human race off the planet. Don’t ask because it will only piss me off more having to tell you about it. Moving on, I was about to tell y'all about Sunday’s adventures. I took off in Mr. Wiggly to burn some gas and increase my carbon footprint. Yeah, fuck the planet, I said it. My plan was to go to the church, see what mom had in mind for lunch, follow her to lunch, then go to the gun range and try those Fiocchi shotgun shells in the Judge again. As I was driving up my street, I heard the phone ring. I couldn’t get it out of my pocket in time to answer so I called her back. She was leaving a message. I called again and we decided to meet at the Rose Garden Tea Room in the Camp Bowie Mercantile antique store thingy. Of course, I was in an old pair of faded Dockers and a Lotus Owners Gathering “T” shirt. I wasn’t sure they were going to let me in. I pulled Mr. Wiggly up to a parking spot and attempted to set the parking brake. Nope, it still won’t hold in reverse, even in gear. I moved to another spot where I'd be pointed downhill. The brake held but I was still worried. We went in and got a table. After we ordered I excused myself and went to move the van. I shifted over three spots so that if the brake let the van creep, it would roll into mom's car instead of a stranger’s. I told her this when I returned to the table. We ate and then headed back to the house. Oh, the brake held and did not roll into mom’s car, thankfully. Now, the reason I went back to the house was way back in October, I noticed mom had a brake light out in the Altima. I bought the bulbs but never got around to installing them. Apparently, enough people have told her she has a light out that she wanted it done. I disassembled the back half of the car and got the taillight assembly out, changed the bulb and tested it. It worked. I reassembled the car and then decided to go to the gun range. I noticed the battery on the Dingleberry was in the red so I thought I'd better charge it along the way. I grabbed the cigarette lighter adapter from Darth Versa and tested it in Mr. Wiggly. Yeah, it didn’t work. I moved Mr. Wiggly back to the back patio and took Darth Versa to the gun range. I, of course, went for a hoon first, just to charge the phone battery. An hour or so later, I arrive at the range. The lot is full. I walk in and it is almost wall to wall people! Cutie patootie looks up from helping some folks and asks if I'm looking for a range. I say yes and she informs me that I'm behind the three ladies and the young Hispanic couple. I say that is fine and she goes back to helping the folks she was helping. I wait. I overhear her putting the sales pitch on these folks. There are two couples and three other ladies in this group. She shows them the ease of disassembly of a Glock about the time I get to the front of the queue to fill out the paperwork. I hand the dude my sheet and ask for a box of .45 ACP range ammo. I figure if I have to wait for a range, I'm going to burn some ammo, by jingo! I pay and step aside to wait. While standing there, one of the men with the big group of gun shoppers strikes up a conversation with me. I don’t realize he’s with them and say, “I sure hope she’s working on commission!” because it appears as though they are going to buy a several guns. Oh yeah, they did. Remember, there were at least five ladies and two dudes in this group. Apparently the two dudes already had guns because they bought five Glocks! Home invaders; keep that in mind when breaking into houses in the Metroplex. Even the housewives are armed and will shoot the hell out of you! Eventually, two dudes come out of the range and return their “eyes and ears” so the three ladies ahead of me go in. Another dude comes out and the Hispanic couple goes in. I notice that the “Lane One” clip on the board is empty and, sure enough, they call me. I grab “eyes and ears” and go in. I run the target out to full range and load up a clip in the 1911. I pop them off and pull in the target. I'm not really happy with the spread but they are all torso shots and any one of them would have ruined his day. I send it back out to about half way and shoot through nine more clips. Yeah, I burned forty five rounds just for the hell of it. I wiped down the 1911 and put it away with one clip of range ammo, oh and the three clips of “STAY DOWN MOTHERFUCKER!” ammo. I pull out the Judge! I “force” five Fiocchi shell into the cylinder and close it. The first round goes off well enough but I have to help the cylinder turn with each succeeding shot. I'm not happy with that ammo. I fire all five and kick the cylinder out to unload. The ejector won’t budge them. I pull out the cleaning kit and hammer them out with a cleaning rod. I'm not going to fuck up another ejector and cylinder by hammering this one on the table. I get the shells out and try all of the gun’s functionality. Fortunately, everything worked properly so the only problem seems to be ejecting the ammo, well and the fact that they “jam” the advancing mechanism when fired. I try one more test. I load a single Fiocchi shell in and fire it. It will not eject either. I hammer it out with the rod. I pull the five Winchester #4 shells from the Fiocchi box and load them up. They fire perfectly and eject without issue. I pull the target in and have a look at the shot pattern. Now remember, this target has already had forty five ACP rounds blown through it as well as eleven shotgun shells. It isn't exactly intact. I can see that the #4 shot’s pellets are considerably larger than the #9 shot though. I don’t have any #6 to compare though so I run the target out to fire some .45 Long Colt through the Judge. I open the box and accidentally load two Cowboy Action loads and two Werewolf loads. I notice my mistake when there are only four shots in the row in the box. “Do, do whut?” I hear you asking. I consolidated my remaining ammo into one box the other night, ten CA loads and ten WW loads. The twenty count box has a divider thingy with four rows of five holes. Two rows were CA and two rows were WW. Instead of going down a full row of CA ammo, I went across the rows grabbing two of each. I rectified this and loaded five CA loads. I shot them at the target and reloaded one last time. I shot them and then thought about doing some more shotgun shells. I refrained, mainly because the target was just about gone by now. I wiped down the Judge and put it away. I threw out my target and all the empty ammo boxes then swept my brass. I had a final look around and went to return my “eyes and ears.” With that done I headed to the house and called it a weekend. Wow, that was a long tale today. Well, I have to go pee so I guess I'll talk to y'all again tomorrow.