1/19/10

I'm afeared I must utter a phrase I thought would no longer be necessary once I broke free of the shackles of Tiny and Flaccid, AKA Windows. I fucking hate computers! Yes, even Linux has managed to piss me off. For some reason, I downloaded Ubuntu 9.10 on my laptop the other night. As I was about to shut down, I noticed the “Updates Available” thingy at the bottom of the screen. “Eh, what the hell?” I thought and clicked it. Those items just took a few minutes. I should have quit there. Did I? Psh, of course not. “Upgrade to Ubuntu 9.10!” it cried out to me. So I clicked on it. “Calculating time remaining...” it said. “Six hours remaining,” it went on to say. “Fuck!” I said and took the laptop into the bathroom. I plugged it in and went to bed. Later, when I got up to pee, I checked on it. “Three hours remaining,” it told me. A quick glance at the clock showed it would be “done” at 0630 h, right about the time I'd be getting up. Cool. 0630 h arrived and I checked on it again. It was done downloading and now it was “setting up” and “configuring” stuff. I watched it for a bit until it finally said, “Computer must restart...” blah blah blah. I watched it restart. At some point, I noticed that it showed there was no network connection. I was afeared that it was not going to recognize the wireless thingy. I decided to wait until I got home from work to get pissed off about it. I got ready and went to work. At work I noticed a few things I liked about the new Ubuntu. I like the purplish hue to the stuff which used to be brown. I... well, that’s about it. As an aside, when I arrive at my desk, the first thing I do is check my work e-mail. Then I dig out the laptop and fire it up. While it is warming up, I check a few websites on the work computer. I noticed that the laptop went to sleep while I was on the internot. I woke it up and went about my usual routine of playing solitaire and ranting and stuff. When I got bored with the laptop, I either took a nap or went back to the internot or left to go pee or something. The next time I noticed the laptop, it was just sitting there on the main desktop. The screen saver never kicked in. “Oh,” thought I, “I guess I have to set it up.” I went in to the “preferences” menu, or whatever, and “set” the screen saver. I walked away thinking all was well with the world. Was it? Fuck no! The screen saver never activated, all day. Eventually I took the thing home, knowing I was going to have to hook up that CAT 5 cable to the router because the wireless wasn't going to work. Well, it did work, fortunately for the laptop. I sent the rant to Spiderman but apparently he doesn't have his internot up and working yet because it wasn't up this morning. At least that is what I'm assuming happened. I really couldn't care less actually. Well, after looking at a few websites, I go back down to have dinner with mom. When I come back up later to go to bed, the mother fucking main desktop it up on the mother fucking screen! The god damned mother fucking screen saver doesn't mother fucking work on this mother fucking piece of shit mother fucker any more. Fucking fuck assed fucking shit fucking fuck! I mother fucking hope the mother fucking screen burns the mother fucking image of the mother fucking Tail of the Dragon right the fuck in. god damn it I mother fucking hate computers and mother fucking... no wait, non-fucking virgin assed shit for brains cock sucking computer programmers. OK, so I went off to cool down a bit and when I returned, voila! The screen saver was working. So, I guess I'm not pissed off at my Ubuntu machine after all. Don't get me wrong, I still hate computers, and programmers, but I'm just not pissed off at this one any more. Toodles.