1/6/10

Oh! I forgot to mention my New Year’s Resolution. Suffices to say, like most NYRs, I've already broken it. I had resolved to give the Darth Vader machine a chance. I was going to fight through and use it for the month of January to see if it really worked or was simply a placebo effect. Here’s the poop, since I don't give a crap about staying up until midnight to “ring in the new year” or any such bullshit, I went to bed at my usual 2300 h or so. I dug out the Darth Vader machine and hooked it up. With the bullshit mask on, and the strap holding my mouth shut, I fired it up. Of course that freaked my cat right the hell out and I didn't see her again until the next day. I lay there on my back for an hour thinking how retarded it was. I may have dozed a few times, I'm not above admitting that, but I know I didn't get to sleep. Midnight, I heard fireworks, and probably gun fire, going off in the distance so I knew it was now 2010 in Texas. Woo hoo. Notice the lack of an exclamation point. That is a sarcastic “woo hoo.” Anyhoo, I realize I'm never going to get to sleep on my back so I try my right side. Within another hour I'm suffocating in this thing. Literally. I can not breathe. I rip the thing off and gasp for air for several seconds. When I'm sure I'm not dead, I go pee and get a drink of water. I sit on the edge of the bed and debate the merits of trying again. “Ok,” I think, “Maybe that was a fluke thing. I'll try again.” I re-fit the mask and lay down again. Nope, one hour later I'm again ripping the thing off and gasping for air. So, by 0200 h, January 1, 2010, I have already broken my one resolution. CPAP is bullshit! Of course I've known that all along, but I've now re-confirmed it in my own mind. The rest of you, Bruce and Dennis I'm looking your direction, can keep drinking the Kool-Ade, I ain't buyin’ it. What gets me is the fact that I can't find anyone on the interwebs speaking out against this voodoo hokum. Of course that doesn't prove anything, I can't find squat on them interwebs anyway. “Information Super Highway” my ass. More like “Dis-information Super Speed-Bump” if you ask me. Holy crap! It is 1645 h and I am parked across the street! I gotta go!