11/29/10

I hate Thanksgiving. I'm not that big a fan of turkeys. But they all keep getting invited to my house year after year. Bah dum bum! Well, let’s see if I can get us caught up with current events. Tuesday and Wednesday at work were uneventful. So much so that I, obviously, didn't even bother to rant. Wednesday evening mom was in “Oh, I have so much to do to get ready for tomorrow” Drama Queen mode. We got everything set up asbestos we could and were just left with cooking the bird. Her plan was to start the cooking process at midnight so it would be done at 0600 h when she got up. Yeah, for some reason she fired the damned thing up at 2115 h. I agreed to check on it at 0230 h and turn off the broiler. She went to bed and I settled in to watch a James Bond marathon on Sci-Fi Channel. No, I refuse to lower myself to the level of stupidity this country is sinking to by calling it Sy-Fy or whatever dumb assed way they are spelling it now. Anyhoo, I checked and turned off the bird at 0230 h right in the middle of “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” then went to bed after that was over. Yeah, it was a million o’clock. Thursday morning I got up, showered, dressed, and helped mom finish what needed finishing. My brother from Austin texted me to say that he and his two daughters would be there in a few hours but that the wife couldn't make it. This was a good thing, seating arrangement wise, but disappointing to mom “getting the family together” wise. I guess I ort to ‘splain why it was a good thing. Here is the guest list we were expecting. My oldest brother Bruce, his wife Mel, their daughter Amy, her girlfriend (yes, that kind and yes, I've forgotten her name), Bruce and Mel’s son John’s wife Mel Junior... er, I mean Jessica, their five year old daughter Peggy (of course I'm the only one who calls her that, her name is Margaret), their three week old daughter Evelyn, my other brother Ted, his wife Mary-Lu, their two daughters Virginia and Madeline, and Jessica’s parents whose names I don't remember either. My sister couldn't make it, which pissed mom off to no end. Hell, the only reason I stayed was because I kind of don't dislike Virginia and Madeline as much as the rest of the family. OK, so with me and mom, that makes fourteen people and an infant. We thought my nephew John wasn't going to make it because he works two jobs. He would be getting off work at 1100 h then going to the other at 1600 h and would need to get some sleep. Well, when it was revealed that he was coming, mom was a bit panic struck. “How are we going to get another person around this table?” she fretted. I brought in another card table and chair. Bada bing. So, when Mary-Lu couldn't make it, we freed up a spot again and were much less crowded. OK, so first to arrive were Bruce and Mel. They were followed about five to ten minutes later by John, Mel Junior... I mean Jessica, Peggy, and Evelyn. Another fifteen minutes or so saw Ted, Virginia, and Madeline arrive. Then came Amy and... oh, let’s call her Mnemosyne since I haven’t used an ancient Greek name in a while and it is ironic since I can't “remember” her actual name. Look it up. So now we’re all waiting for Mel Junior’s... oops, Jessica’s parents. They got lost. John tried to talk them in but had to settle for just fingering out where they were. They were nowhere near. Eventually they made it and we sat down to eat. After lunch, Amy and Mnemosyne were the first to leave. Ted and the girls beat feet next. As they were driving off, and John, Mel Junior... no, Jessica, Peggy, and Evelyn were getting ready to leave, mom’s sister Margaret called to say she was on her way to see the new baby. Crap! They were about to go! They waited and Margaret got to meet Evelyn. I really need to think of a name for her to annoy John and Mel Junior... sorry, Jessica. While Aunt Margaret was there, her son Rob showed up with his wife Georgia and the two hellions they are raising since their crack-head mother is... well, a crack head. OK, I don't know that for sure, but there is something worthless about the skank. OK, I don't know for sure that she’s a skank, but... aw hell. Forget it. They hang out and pass the damned baby around for another year or two. Eventually I get sick of it and got to my room, lock the door, and look at stuff on them inter-googles. About ten minutes later I feel guilty abandoning my cousin Rob, whom I haven’t seen in several years, and come back downstairs. At around 1830 h everyone leaves, which was a good thing because I was going to throw everyone out of my den at 1900 h to watch The Big Bang Theory. I told mom this. I said, “I was going to announce: ‘You don’t have to go home, but you can't stay in this room. Get out!’” She laughed and said she wasn't going to do this ever again. I laughed at that. Well, that story took longer than I expected so I'll recount the rest of the weekend tomorrow.