10/14/2011

I am really, really, REALLY, dumb sometimes. I am beginning to regret the purchase of Fiona. Here’s why. First off there’s going back under $20k+ debt. That otter be enough reason right there. And, to be honest, it really is only a minor contributor to my current funk. It isn’t insurmountable and isn’t going to break me, I can afford it. It’s just… well, you know, a lot of friggin’ money, right? Anyhoo, there’s that. But what has me not only regretting the decision, but almost resenting the car, is the goddamned i-Shit that came as a consequence. Today I forgot my badge to get into the office. “No biggie,” I thought. “I’ll just pull up to the front door and get a temporary.” I parked out front in the “horseshoe” and ran in leaving the i-Phone hooked up to the i-Pod cable in the console. Yes, I did shut everything down before going in. She didn’t have any badges so I had to go downstairs to the police office for one. When I had my badge, I went back up to park the car. I fired it up and hit the power button on the radio. The i-Pod function started playing again. Well, as soon as the Bluetooth reconnected, the motherfucking i-Pod shut the fuck off and wouldn’t restart! I almost ripped the fucking cable out of the console and threw it out the fucking window. “Well, duh!” Some i-Sycophant is saying, “You HAVE to reconnect the integration function of the interface to the positronic sub-mask in the isomeric continuum transfunctioner ANYTIME the Bluetooth’s tetrahelical array of dichromium phase modulators recombine with ANY non-Euclidian flux capacitance mono-flippy floppies through Higg’s Boson paired turbulence interference. That’s intuitive.” No, that’s technobabble. Even the ACTUAL technobabble explanation is technobabble. You are all a bunch of fucking sheep who have been programmed to accept this technobabble bullshit with a shrug of your shoulders and a, “Meh, what are you going to do?” It pisses me right the hell off. Oh, and another thing about the i-Phone that pisses me off, WHERE THE HELL IS THE CAPS LOCK KEY? Seriously, how fucking difficult would it have been to include a fucking CAPS LOCK key? SOMETIMES I WANT TO SHOUT IN A TEXT MESSAGE, DAMN IT! {shift}I{shift}T{space}{shift}I{shift}S{space}{shift}A{space}{shift}P{shift}A{shift}I{shift}N{space}{shift}I{shift}N{space}{shift}T{shift}H{shift}E{space}{shift}A{shift}S{shift}S{space}{shift}T{shift}Y{shift}P{shift}I{shift}N{shift}G{space}{shift}T{shift}H{shift}I{shift}S{space}{shift}W{shift}A{shift}Y{space}{space} Add a mother fucking CAPS LOCK key damn it. But I digress. The point is, if I had not bought, on a whim I might add, this car, I would probably not have replaced my Blackberry with an i-Phone. Sure, I probably would have still broken the Blackberry and had to replace it, but I sure as hell would not have bought an i-Phone if I hadn’t needed that particular model to interface with the Bluetooth in the Hyundai. The Blackberry almost always connected to the Nissan. I can think of maybe three times in as many years that it didn’t. Damn it! Some knucklehead wants me to come sort out an audio issue in a meeting room. I'm sure it is operator error. Hang on. Ok, I'm back. They had bacon. I'm much more mellow now. Yep, the audio cable was plugged in too far cancelling out the signal. How were they supposed to know that? They couldn’t have; which, along with the aforementioned bacon, is why I’m not pissed about that trip down the stairs. In fact, the bacon has made me happy enough that I'm not even going to rant about i-Shit any more today.