10/22/13

As promised, the i-Pod story.  First off, I don’t remember if I told this first bit back when it happened so if it did… well, suck it!  I'm telling it again.  Some time ago, about a month or so, I misplaced my i-Pod.  My theory is this: when I unloaded the pockets of my pants, and tossed everything on my bed as I am wont to do, my i-Pod got enwrapped in the bedding.  When I went to bed later, I picked up “everything” and moved it all to the dresser.  Sometime in the night I kicked the i-Pod off of the bed… somewhere.  I searched the area around the foot of the bed.  No i-Pod.  I “searched” the piles of junk in the closet.  No i-Pod.  I “searched” the piles of junk on the other side of the bed.  No i-Pod.  I looked at the pile of junk in front of the dresser but didn’t really search it because it wasn’t a pile conducive to hiding an i-Pod.  Suffices to say, no i-Pod.  Then, last Saturday when I whipped my towel off of the towel rack, I knocked over an old gift bag from last Christmas… or perhaps the one before, it doesn’t really matter.  I left it on the floor, as I am wont to do, and stepped over it to go to the shower.  After my shower… I left the gift bag on the floor where it had fallen, because I am a lazy slob.  When I was getting ready to go to bed I decided I'd better pick up the bag because I would just step on it in the middle of the night and it would then annoy me.  When I picked it up and placed it back on the pile of junk to the left of the pile of junk in front of the dresser, a good five feet away from the bed and two feet off the floor, I noticed something shiny and scratched-up in the bottom of the bag.  “No fucking way!” I said to myself and pulled out the missing i-Pod!  Somehow I had kicked the thing up high enough to sail it across the room and into that bag… in my sleep!  I wish we could find the surveillance tape of that night and review it… well, after the part where I was looking at stuff on the intergoogles and… uh, never mind.  Needles to say it was dead as shit so I put it on to charge overnight and went to bed… after looking at stuff on the intergoogles and… oh, never mind.  The next morning I went to i-Tunes and bought a few songs I've been putting off buying because I couldn’t find the i-Pod and then tried to “synch” the thing to the i-Tunes on the laptop.  What the fuck is the fucking point of fucking synching the fucking i-Pod to fucking i-Tunes if the fucking thing doesn’t fucking add the fucking songs I just fucking bought to the fucking thing?  It almost got “lost” again… and by “lost” I mean “the shit smashed out of it.”  I finally figured out how to transfer the songs over… but the motherfucking playlist I'd made with the new songs didn’t go!  The next time some Apple sycophant tries to tell me that Apple is “intuitive” and “easy to use” I might just shoot them in the fucking kidneys and kick them in the head while they bleed out!  Rot in hell Steve Jobs!  I hope you did NOT go peacefully but died in great agony you worthless sack of festering shit.  I hope whatever cancer killed you IS genetic and your whole family wastes away and dies screaming.  Fuck you and all who idolize you.  I hope I am never in the cemetery where you were buried because I don’t really want to go to jail for pissing on your grave… but I'd do it because I HATE APPLE THAT MUCH‼‼‼‼‼  I just looked it up on findagrave.com.  I need to avoid Alta Mesa Memorial Park in Palo Alto, California.  That shouldn’t be too hard since I have no desire to visit the People’s Republic of Kalifornia… ever again.  Oh wait, there’s that big Japanese car show at the Queen Mary every year… and Comicon.  I would kind of like to see those two events some time.  I bet I could get into a fight by wearing a “Rot in hell, Steve Jobs” tee-shirt at Comicon.  Hmm, we might have a plan.  Anyhoo, enough of that.  I did eventually get the i-Pod to sort of do what I wanted it to do and now I can listen to my “Ooom-tiss ooom-tiss ooom-tiss” music in Fiona again.  So, there’s all of that going on.  I think I'll tell y'all about the conversations with Junky Von Junkerton about the rest of the scrap metal tomorrow.  Have a day.